Diffusing Anger

Too often we associate emotions with being negative or “bad” when in fact emotions, such as anger, fear, disappointment- are a natural by-product of functioning in this world.  We often punish people in our lives for “feeling” these negative emotions. Doing this is the equivalent of punishing someone for their toe hurting, or a headache. Feelings are a part of life. If we train ourselves to see these emotions like “indicator lights” on the dashboards of our life- we can use “feelings” as a productive part of life.

Anger is often an indicator light that flashes when we’ve experienced injustice.  “That’s not right.” “That’s not fair”- These thoughts are often followed by feelings anger and frustration. Additionally anger and fear go hand in hand. Wherever anger is present, so is fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of the unknown- these feelings are often the root of anger in your spouse.  Healthy marriages are those that find the best way to deal with these emotions. Two ways we can use emotions to improve our relationships.

1. Take ownership of our emotions and use them in constructive ways.  Take responsibility for our behaviors.

2. Seek to understand our spouse. What is the “root” emotion. Nothing diffuses anger like being “understood”

Don’t let emotions destroy your healthy marriage, use them to build a strong marriage that stands strong against divorce.