Healthy Marriages | Marriage Champions | MarriageChampions.com » Help For Your Marriage

Scratching the Marital Itch

admin — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:29:09 +0000

When it comes to experiencing love in your marriage it’s crucial that you discover how your spouse feels loved. After you’ve taken our intimacy interview you and taken some time to dive into conversation with your spouse- you’ll have insight into what makes your spouse “feel loved”. For some husbands a home cooked meal and a clean and organized home may make him feel secure and loved. Others may not mind the dust or chaos or dining on a frozen pot pie, but feel extremely loved when their wife encourages him with her words.

See, my husband LOVES having his back scratched. I’ve learned over the years that if I want to have a healthy marriage, I’ll be a great back scratcher. What if my I were scratching my husband’s back and he was trying to direct me to “the spot” yet, I kept missing it. When I was through, it may have been a nice gesture, but he would have been left unsatisfied and possibly even frustrated. Love and marriage works the same. You may feel that you are “loving” your spouse- but are you scratching their “itch”. Is what your doing communicating love to him or her? If not, you’ll both be left frustrated. Take time to understand your husband or wife and communicate love in the way that they hear it best. Your efforts won’t go unnoticed.

Diffusing Anger

admin — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:55:14 +0000

Too often we associate emotions with being negative or “bad” when in fact emotions, such as anger, fear, disappointment- are a natural by-product of functioning in this world. We often punish people in our lives for “feeling” these negative emotions. Doing this is the equivalent of punishing someone for their toe hurting, or a headache. Feelings are a part of life. If we train ourselves to see these emotions like “indicator lights” on the dashboards of our life- we can use “feelings” as a productive part of life.

Anger is often an indicator light that flashes when we’ve experienced injustice. “That’s not right.” “That’s not fair”- These thoughts are often followed by feelings anger and frustration. Additionally anger and fear go hand in hand. Wherever anger is present, so is fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of the unknown- these feelings are often the root of anger in your spouse. Healthy marriages are those that find the best way to deal with these emotions. Two ways we can use emotions to improve our relationships.

1. Take ownership of our emotions and use them in constructive ways. Take responsibility for our behaviors.

2. Seek to understand our spouse. What is the “root” emotion. Nothing diffuses anger like being “understood”

Don’t let emotions destroy your healthy marriage, use them to build a strong marriage that stands strong against divorce.

Building Intimacy

admin — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:38:30 +0000

At the very heart of marriages we all desire to have that close connection- that vibrant feeling of love towards our spouse. And that doesn’t happen over night. It requires time, energy and…information! Too often we seek to love our spouse the way that we would like to be loved- rather than the way THEY want to be loved. Think of loving your spouse like a good back scratch. You can scratch away with all your might, but if your not hitting the spot where the itch is…your efforts may be appreciated but won’t be satisfying. Same thing with love…

Even the best marriages can always use an intimacy boost.

Click here to take our intimacy interview and see how you rate with your spouse!

Are You Living in Crisis Mode?

admin — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 20:27:44 +0000

Do you ever find yourself spending your days and maybe some sleepless nights wondering how you can keep all the plates you have spinning? The stress of day to day living- crazy schedules, kids, commitments…all of these factors can literally catapult your marriage into crisis mode. Doing the minimum just to get-by and hoping that things will soon slow down. This cycle of insanity can drain the life and energy out of even the very strongest marriages.

The truth is? We weren’t meant to live in crisis mode. But how to we stop the madness and make our spouse top priority? A couple suggestions include:

Brainstorm together what items are most important for your family. Are there any things that really aren’t a part of your goals? Cross those off the list.
Discuss ways to alleviate the stress (ie: better morning rituals, preparing the night before, delegating tasks or responsiblities)
Be realistic. Don’t expect perfection, its not possible. Look at where you are, the energy and time you have and set your expectations accordingly
Remember, you’re on the same team. When your spouse wins, you win!

These simple steps will go a long way in bringing your spouse back to the top of your priority list…and the rewards of that are immeasurable!